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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you
asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...
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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind ...
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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go ...
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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
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By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...
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In the Birmingham Sunday Mercury (7th Jan 2001):
Worker dead at desk for 5 days
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their ...
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Winterize your lawn, the big sign outside the garden store
commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and
watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I m supposed to ...
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later ...
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A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about cars.
4. A five day vacation requires only one ...
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A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the ...
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A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an ...
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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the ...
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20) Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too ...
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New Australian version of Windows...
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Recently spotted on eBay...
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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first ...
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