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Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Things I MUST remember when I come back as a dog...

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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind ...

Taste Test

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TASTE TEST A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver, one at a ...

Steve Allen

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Steve Allen, Renaissance Man: ...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...


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Frequently Asked Questions


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The world was stunned by the news this morning of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:24 AM. ...

New Trivia Coming Soon

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The answer to the last question, for anyone left wondering...

Exploding Whale

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What happens when you mix one dead whale and half a ton of dynamite...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Terms and Conditions

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Important information you should know about how we operate.  Read this before posting anything on this site.  (Posting constitutes agreement to these terms and conditions.)

Einstein's Riddle

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Colbert thanks Suq Madiq

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Watch as Stephen Colbert tries to keep it together... (from the Colbert Report)

Privacy Policy

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Personally identifiable information, including your name and e-mail address, is kept confidential. It will not be sold to, or shared with, other parties for any reason, unless required by law ...

Quotes about the French

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Alright, one more round of French-bashing (Francobashing?), then we will move on to something else. -ed. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without ...

Timely joke

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A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The ...

100 fun ways to order pizza

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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a ...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...


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The Manbottle Library is now accepting advertising at very competitive rates.  Viewership is approximately 250,000 page views per month.


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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the Other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home After we've been out drinking, ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Friends and Sponsors

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Visit these friends and sponsors of The Manbottle Library


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