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Alaska Accident

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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

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Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

Adam's Mistake

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THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS: Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to ...

TO ALL THE KIDS BORN in the 50's

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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.  They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...

Sick Joke

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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says: "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!" "No, no," says the ...

Boot Camp

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LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats ...

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Courtroom humor

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These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Eve

College letter

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Dear Mom and Dad: It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to date now, ...

Twelve bugs of Christmas

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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me See if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me Ask them how they did it and ...

Jesus is watching you

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...

Nigerians Impeach Too

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By Nathaniel Ikyur KANO-FORMER governor of old Kano State, Alhaji Abubakar Rimi's political stronghold in Kano suffered a setback yesterday after his close associate and speaker ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

You know you're a Floridian if...

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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...

One-Question IQ Test

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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of ...

Lewinsky Kaczynski Contest

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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a limerick. Here are the three winners: ...

Cussing

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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in ...

Slogans

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At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." At a military ...

Management Lesson No. 2

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Lesson Number Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why ...

Things you can't say with a Hallmark

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THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking" "Congratulations on your ...

Brian's Bad Day

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Gives the words "bad day" a whole new perspective... Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore ...

Blonde Story

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Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having a problem. No matter ...

Cowboy Honeymoon

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One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their ...

REJECTION LINES

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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean) 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.") ...

 

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