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Alaska Accident

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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...

100 fun ways to order pizza

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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all!  2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...

Why?

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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Evil Math

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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board: What about this: We know that women like two things, your time and your money, therefore... women ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

Dave Berry's Rules to Live By

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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in ...

IT Phases

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Phases of Life for an IT Professional  Phase 1: As a Junior Programmer you're in awe of how smart your superiors and colleagues are.  Phase 2: As a Mid-level Programmer you ...

Nerds Forever

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The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?", I submit the following: Michael Jordan makes over $300,000 a game. That = $10,000 a minute, at an ...

Differences Between You and Your Boss

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When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Sick Joke

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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says: "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!" "No, no," says the ...

Alternate Meanings

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The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: ...

Slogans

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At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." At a military ...

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Coma Recovery

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Patient: "Huh? What? Where am I?" Nurse: "You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma." Patient: "How long was I in a coma?" Nurse: "Ten years" Patient: "Wow... ...

Circle Flies

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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try ...

In-flight Safety

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Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that ...

Redneck Jokes

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Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen. - ...

Lack of Tact

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Tact Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, ...

 

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