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Nuns

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Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several Nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Quick One 3

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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing ...

Boys

Viewed 9 times
You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...   1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.   2.) If you spray ...

Texas Math

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A business owner in Texas was confused about paying an invoice minus the early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her ...

Hollywood Squares 2

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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

Metrics

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USEFUL METRIC CONVERSIONS 1 million microphones: 1 phone 1 million phones: 1 megaphone 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 10 ...

Plane Ride

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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this ...

Funnies

Viewed 8 times
I was in the express lane at the store. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.  The ...

Famous Quotes on Sex

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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...

Caught!

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They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the ...

Cat joke

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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What ...

Giving up wine

Viewed 7 times
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...

Divine Interventions

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I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an exception... (Be ...

A Man and His Tool

Viewed 7 times
A guy walks into a doctor's office and stutters, "Da-da-doc, I've ba-ba-been sta-sta-stuttering for ye-ye-years, and I ca-ca-can't stand it anymo-mo-more! Can you he-he-help me?" ...

Bill of Rights

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Bill of Rights restated State Representative Mitchell Kaye of Georgia wrote the following: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get ...

Redneck Joke

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Redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I've got a hot date for tonight, an' I needs me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them thar rubbers gonna cost me?" To which the ...

Dogs and Cats

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WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Vatican Bathroom

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Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.  Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...

30 Years

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What a difference 30 years makes: 1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund 1972: KEG 2002: EKG ...

Lawyer Jokes

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The post office just recalled their newest stamps: they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. How are an apple and a ...

Corporate Lifecycle

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Part 1 An organization is like a tree full of monkeys - all on different levels,some climbing up. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The ...

Damn kid

Viewed 6 times
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her ...

 

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