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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe. Larry was a truck ...
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The Ultimate Urban Legend...
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating ...
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President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round.
When they got ready to tee off on hole No. 1, Clinton removed his golf jacket
and revealed that he had ...
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You know you work in corporate America in the 90's if:
1. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
2. Your company welcome sign is ...
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GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, com-corder, ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...
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Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger ...
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"He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp."
"Predicting is difficult, especially when it involves the future."
"That thing was jumping up and down like a sieve."
"We will ...
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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the
kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: ...
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...
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It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time...
What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath ...
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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the ...
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the
two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a
limerick. Here are the three winners: ...
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and ...
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Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the
truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer ...
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Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...
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