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Little Johnny (on philosophy)

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LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY: A Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" He replies, "None, they ...

Obsessions

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children, "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, ...

Tickle Me Elmo

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A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for ...

Bill Approval

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President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President. "It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. ...

Divorce Settlement

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After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since ...

Blonde Joke 2

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A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt. "Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?" "Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I ...

Computer Upgrade

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computer upgrade

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

Boot Camp

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LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats ...

At the movies

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An old farmer named George went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl asked "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Where ...

10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...

The Little Green Snake

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Harmless? If you always thought those little green garden snakes were O.K., read on: Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in ...

First Choice

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The New Pope Ratzinger was not the first choice for Pope. As I understand it, Ratzinger was not the Cardinals first choice. Interestingly, they were considering Cardinal Hans ...

The First Christmas Joke of the Season

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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that ...

Husband Jokes

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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. ...

Evil Math

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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board: What about this: We know that women like two things, your time and your money, therefore... women ...

Top ten reasons God created Eve

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Top ten reasons God created Eve: 10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Haircut

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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...

Form Letter

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Here is a form letter for those who don't quite know how to say goodbye. select the appropriate section and end relationship.  To (Type in their email address): From (Your ...

True bravery

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True bravery is a guy arriving home late after a boy's night out, being assaulted by his wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "You still cleaning, or are you gonna be ...

Heartwarming Story

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I usually don't forward these little heart warmers, but thought this one is worth reading. This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and ...

How Many Dogs...

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How Many Dogs/Cats Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside ...

 

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