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Family Tree

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Redneck Family Tree Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair ...

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS

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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

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1. If you are choking on an ice cube,  don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.  2. ...

Caught!

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They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the ...

Management Lesson No. 1

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Lesson Number One A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The ...

The nursing home...

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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Apple Computer Announcement

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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...

Some of My Favorite Christmas Carols...

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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection"  "Away in a Drunk Tank"  "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means"  "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected"  ...

Giving up wine

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...

Special Day!

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Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.  Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend,just as I've done.  I don't care if you lick ...

Living Will

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While watching March Madness, my wife and I got into a conversation About life and death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation, I told her that I ...

Haircut

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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. ...

New Definitions

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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a ...

Hills of Virginia

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Two fellows from the hiills of Virginia were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer ...

Ralph and Edna

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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the ...

The Guys' Rules

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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear"the rules" from the female ...

Things I've learned about Florida...

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Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in Florida. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 ...

You know you're from Florida if...

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You measure distance in minutes. You've ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day. You see a car running in a store parking lot with no one in it, no ...

Thinking Outside The Box

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You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is ...

The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners

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Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes ...

Hussein Family

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Now that Uday & Qusay have left us, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: Sooflay ...

The Hypnotist

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It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most ...

 

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