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Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

If Bush get's elected, I'll leave the country...

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Ever wonder what happened to all those celebrities who promised to leave the country if George W. Bush was elected president? The original statements: Eddie Vedder - "I'm ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA

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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA: 10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper 9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron 8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...

Redneck Luxuries

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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Pool Redneck Yacht... Yacht

Mindless trivia

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Interesting but mindless trivia ... Did you know that.....? Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. ...

10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say

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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say: 10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex" 9) Duct tape won't fix that 8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

Ass size

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In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin, and the other five percent said they didn't care - they would have ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Why Computers Crash

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Abort, Retry, Ignore? by: Anonymous Works Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, ...

'Hi, Jack' on plane triggers SWAT team

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'Hi, Jack' on plane triggers SWAT team  by Shawn D. Lewis / The Detroit News ( http://detnews.com/ )  Waterford - Pilots named Jack, beware.  Minutes after a boarding ...

Microsoft Windaz 2000

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New Australian version of Windows...
Aussie Windaz 2000

Quote

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Who originally said... "My greatest wish is that none of my children become lawyers."

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

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10 WORDS THAT DON'T EXIST, BUT SHOULD: 1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION ...

10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...

100 fun ways to order pizza

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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a ...

TO ALL THE KIDS BORN in the 50's

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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.  They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

One-Question IQ Test

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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of ...

Comments

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A gastroenterologist/proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies: 1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly ...

 

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