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Spots

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Sex

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SOCIAL SECURITY SEX: So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, I get a little each month, but not ...

Pants

Viewed 16 times
A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his ...

Santa's Little Helpers

Viewed 12 times
I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

All in the perspective

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NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Six Shots

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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you ...

Texas Preacher

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The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a ...

Democrats' Golf Rules

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1. Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par or an acceptable score. 2. Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand, Republicans are not allowed to keep score at ...

Management Lesson No. 2

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Lesson Number Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why ...

What I Want In a Man

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What I Want In a Man, Original List ... (at age 22) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape ...

Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than...

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"Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman" 1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. 2. Christmas trees don't get mad ...

A Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The ...

100 Reasons It's better to be a Guy

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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about cars. 4. A five day vacation requires only one ...

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't

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Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't: 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Apple Computer Announcement

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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...

Joke of the Day

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An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Sister Margaret

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Sister Margaret had been a model nun all her life, but then she was called to her reward. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret... not ...

...walks into a bar

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Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. ...

If Bush get's elected, I'll leave the country...

Viewed 5 times
Ever wonder what happened to all those celebrities who promised to leave the country if George W. Bush was elected president? The original statements: Eddie Vedder - "I'm ...

 

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