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Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

20 reasons why chocolate is better than sex

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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: 1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

12 Rules for Life

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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...

Puns for Intellectuals

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1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger." 2. NASA recently sent a ...

Redneck Horseshoes

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redneck horseshoes

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

Why Condoms Come In Packages

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Why Condoms Come In Packages A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To ...

100 Years Ago

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It may be hard to believe how times have changed in the last 100 years. "100 Years Ago" The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven. Only 14 ...

AOL Timer Joke

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YOU HAVE BEEN ON LINE.... 1.) You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off. 2.) You have been ...

It takes an Italian Man to make a Woman feel like a Woman...

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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Naughty Parrots

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A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest ...

Police Not Amused by Breakfast Prank

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Friday January 26 12:27 PM ET Police Not Amused by Breakfast Prank DALLAS (Reuters) - A police dispatcher who tasted something funny when she bit into a breakfast tortilla ...

Dogs and Cats

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WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Joke type thing

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All stessed out? Sometimes it helps to think of happy scenes. Maybe a pastoral field, a field with a babbling brook. You're there on a lovely summer's day......holding ...

Bill Sux at .18 Microns

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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent version of the Pentium ...

Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

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By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Summer BBQ Season

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After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season.  Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...

Interesting statistic from a DC Analyst in Training

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If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22  months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that  gives a ...

 

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