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You know you're a Floridian if...

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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

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By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

Joke of the Day

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An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first ...

Little Johnny (on philosophy)

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LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY: A Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" He replies, "None, they ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

At last, the perfect Christmas card

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Dear recipient, Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender ...

Quote of the Week (with picture)

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"Remember your army loves you" - Sergeant Diaz of the Colombian Army (no first name given), during the debut of the new Colombian Army's new mascot, a large inflatable ...

Reindeer

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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the ...

It takes an Italian Man to make a Woman feel like a Woman...

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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Christmas Shopping A Survivor's Guide

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- Gifts for Children - This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months ...

Confession

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Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?" "Yes, Father, it is I." ...

Do you ever wonder

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Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess ...

A Redneck Christmas

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An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Philosophy 101

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Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the ...

Old Sex

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An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

Dogs and Cats

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WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

 

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