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I am a BAD American.
I like big cars, big guns, and big tits. I believe the money I make
belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary
with a bad ...
Viewed 14 times
100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
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Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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This blonde walked into a store and after looking around says, "Can I please buy that TV?" The clerk says, "Sorry we don't serve blondes here."
The next day she walked into the ...
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer
guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum ...
Viewed 11 times
John Cleese was recently asked on American TV what he thought the
differences between the English and the Americans were.
In reply he said that there were three differences: ...
Viewed 10 times
Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Horn Broken, Watch for Finger
If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, ...
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Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
You spend the ...
Viewed 9 times
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is", or ...
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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer. Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...
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Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker:
As a graduate of an ...
Viewed 7 times
"There is a product in the ink which, if you ingest 400 notes become toxic.
So, besides being expensive, it is not recommendable to eat Euro notes."
- Eugenio Domingo, ...
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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:
10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...
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TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. ...
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When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...
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A few years ago Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang made a
new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special
entitled, "Why Me, Charlie Brown?"
Recently MetLife put ...
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