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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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There was a midget (little person) down in Texas whose testicles ached
almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what the
problem was.
The doctor told ...
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YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN....
* Your potted plants stay alive.
* Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd.
* You keep more food than beer in the ...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico ...
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked
to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told
him that they only sold whole ...
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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's
artwork. As she got to one little girl ...
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Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
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Two cowboys were leanin up against the rail at
their favorite bar. They're tired and worn out from
a long day, havin a couple of longnecks, just relaxin
and talkin, watchin ...
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Here's a Riddle for You:
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
The ...
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WHERE DO CONSULTANTS GO WHEN THEY DIE?
There once was a consultant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made ...
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WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN
"I'm going fishing."
Really means, "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand
by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by ...
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A dictionary for software engineers:
Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in
getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta: Software ...
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You find out interesting things when you have sons, like... 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray ...
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There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian
church, the Methodist church and the Catholic church. Each church was
overrun with pesky squirrels.
...
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A little old man shuffled slowly...
into an ice cream parlor.
He pulled himself slowly...
painfully...
up onto a stool...
After catching his breath...
he ordered a ...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a
woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a
woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ...
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An old farmer named George went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl
asked "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Where ...
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A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day,
enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman
walks by and stops. "You poor man," ...
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1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod)
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to ...
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Some Thoughts for the Day
-
What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little
boy, is your mother home?"
...
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