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Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Further proof that the human race is doomed

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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods... 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Listen Carefully

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A Man's Guide to What a Woman Is Really Saying I need = I want We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do whatever you ...

Las Vegas

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going, and she replied, "I'm going to Las ...

Heavy Thinker

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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social ...

Into an Irish Pub...

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Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking ...

Going Fishing

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A man calls home to his wife and says, Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. ...

Redneck letter

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Dearest Redneck Son, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most ...

Five Commercials Aired

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"The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky/Walters Interview" (and yes, these really did air during the interview) 5. Victoria's Secret lingerie. 4. Burger King - ...

Bread Alert

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A recent Cincinnati Inquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, ...

Nerds

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A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR ...

First time

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she ...

Blonde Riding

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Blonde Riding A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Hearing problem

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Elmer, an 80 year-old stumbled into the doctor's office all excited and in a tither. "doc .. I've lost my hearing!" Elmer yelled. "let's examine the problem," the doc said. ...

Inventions

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A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian said, "We have the Coliseum." ...

Three Morals

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A while back, there were two kingdoms situated close by each other. One kingdom had a powerful king, and the other had a relatively weak king. The difference, or so everybody ...

New Foreign Phrases

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Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a well known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Hollywood Squares 2

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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

Dead Cat Test

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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive. "Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?", she asked. "Because I pissed in his ear ...

Mid-life for Ladies

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Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. Mid-life women no longer have upper ...

20 thinnest books

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The top 20 thinnest books 20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr. 19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit 18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...

 

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