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These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Eve
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to
feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people ...
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Phases of Life for an IT Professional Phase 1: As a Junior Programmer you're in awe of how smart your superiors and colleagues are. Phase 2: As a Mid-level Programmer you ...
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Have you ever wondered where the phrase "You gotta be sh*ttin' me" came from? Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of the USA.
Way back, George ...
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Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend,just as I've done. I don't care if you lick ...
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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding
bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull
mated 50 times ...
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The
4-year-old nods his head in ...
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
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After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
repair or correction. The ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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Stevie Wonder was one of the performers at this year's Presidential Gala at
Ford's Theater. Evidently George W. Bush is a big fan. The Washington Post
reported that President ...
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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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Did you hear Abe Lincoln was Jewish?
He was shot in the temple!
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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4/1/2001
San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge to officially become the TransAmerica
Bridge.
by contributing editor April Olfos
(SAN FRANCISCO-UPI) The city of San ...
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Adult One Liners
Q: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What ...
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Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...
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Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that ...
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It's a good thing I was born a woman, or I'd have been a drag queen.
- Dolly Parton
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Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
- ...
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