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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident,
a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...
Viewed 8 times
100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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When engineer David Bradley said "I may have invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous", to what was he referring?
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THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have
anyone to ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
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It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time...
What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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You knew these were coming…
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker?
Willie Shoemaker DOES have a license to ride 4 year olds.
I Got a new car ...
Viewed 4 times
1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
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By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why ...
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On a train there was George Bush, Bill Clinton, Janet Reno and Jennifer
Lopez. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark
tunnel and the unmistakable ...
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1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not ...
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At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a gynecologist's office
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a military ...
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Tact
Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill
and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, ...
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A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...
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