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Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Useful Tidbits

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Next time you find yourself running dry on interesting tidbits of conversational matter ... Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having ...

12 Rules for Life

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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...

If Bush get's elected, I'll leave the country...

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Ever wonder what happened to all those celebrities who promised to leave the country if George W. Bush was elected president? The original statements: Eddie Vedder - "I'm ...

Fairy Tales

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WOW.....if Disney only knew! CINDERELLA Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy ...

Crisco...

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There was an old guy wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisco!" Finally a store clerk approached. "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five." "Oh," replied ...

Cave Symbols

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A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A ...

Down at the pond

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An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The ...

Adam & Eve

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After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask ...

New meds for women

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Damitol Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. St. Mom's Wort Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

I Am Thankful

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I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, NOT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES, BECAUSE ...

Childrens Book Titles You'll Never See

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Childrens Book Titles You'll Never See You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly! The Protocols of the ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

The Book of Leviticus

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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to ...

POLITICALLY CORRECT

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY He is not a BAD DANCER - He is RHYTHMICALLY ...

TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA

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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA: 10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper 9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron 8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...

Quotes 2

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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...

Tight skirt

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In a crowded city, at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini-skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. ...

100 Reasons It's better to be a Guy

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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about cars. 4. A five day vacation requires only one ...

 

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