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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident,
a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have
anyone to ...
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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...
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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the ...
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LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Eve
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Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in
writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to
date now, ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...
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By Nathaniel Ikyur
KANO-FORMER governor of old Kano State, Alhaji Abubakar Rimi's political stronghold in Kano suffered a setback yesterday after his close associate and speaker ...
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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...
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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of ...
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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the
two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a
limerick. Here are the three winners: ...
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The
4-year-old nods his head in ...
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At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a gynecologist's office
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a military ...
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Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why ...
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THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking"
"Congratulations on your ...
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Gives the words "bad day" a whole new perspective...
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore ...
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Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating
was having a problem. No matter ...
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One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man
of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding
they left for their ...
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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
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