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At the Doctor's Office

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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

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Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

Thanksgiving Dinner

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Thanksgiving Dinner Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've ...

Quotes

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"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why ...

Old Sex

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An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together ...

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

Obsessions

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children, "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, ...

eBay

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Another entry from the "you really can buy (almost) anything on eBay" file... Contributed by: Bloomberg News (via CNET.com news) eBay thwarts sale of presidential ...

New State Mottos

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New State Mottos Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona But It's a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing ...

Words of Wisdom 2

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1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as ...

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...

Good Advice From Grandpa

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I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor, and on a ...

Justice in the Middle East

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A Dutchman, an Australian, and a New Zealander are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol ...

Wal-Mart Wine

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PLANT CITY, FL - Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J ...

Quote of the week 7

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"But we're not homophobic... we are compassionate towards anyone who wants to try and give up that kind of lifestyle." - The Rev Dr. Glenn Davies, rector of St Luke's, Sydney, ...

Rudoph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

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Who created the character of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"? (Hint - it wasn't Gene Autry.)

The Best Chain Letter a Woman Will Ever Get

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The Best Chain Letter a Woman Will Ever Get This chain letter started in the hopes of bringing relief and happiness to tired housewives. It has, however, expanded its usefulness ...

Spoiled food

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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED ====================================== Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks on rare occasions for himself, ...

Oxymoron List

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OXYMORON LIST (April 1998) (Oxymoron - - an epigrammatic witty, often paradoxical effect, by which contradictory terms are used in conjunction) 50. Act naturally 49. Found ...

Cowboy Logic

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...

Jesus is watching you

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...

King Arthur

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King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt...except it had a rather large hole in the most ...

Things to say when phoning in sick

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I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in ...

 

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