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3 AM

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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

The Ultimate Urban Legend

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The Ultimate Urban Legend... I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating ...

Clinton Joke

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President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round. When they got ready to tee off on hole No. 1, Clinton removed his golf jacket and revealed that he had ...

Corporate America in the 90's

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You know you work in corporate America in the 90's if: 1. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. 2. Your company welcome sign is ...

Ways to get even

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GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, com-corder, ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

Viewed 5 times
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

Little Sister

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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...

How teaching math has evolved

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Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger ...

Mixed Metaphors from the Workplace

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"He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp." "Predicting is difficult, especially when it involves the future." "That thing was jumping up and down like a sieve." "We will ...

Little Johnny (about his dad)

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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girl says: ...

Dave Berry's Rules to Live By

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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in ...

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND aka Hell

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Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...

Men Jokes

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It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time... What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath ...

30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man

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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it's cute. 3. Why don't we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix ...

20 reasons why chocolate is better than sex

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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: 1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Sick Joke

Viewed 4 times
A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says: "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!" "No, no," says the ...

Quote (2)

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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."

Lewinsky Kaczynski Contest

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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a limerick. Here are the three winners: ...

Blonde Joke 6

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and ...

For those of you who watch what you eat

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Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer ...

Martha Stewart's Way

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Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...

 

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