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Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money
...
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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident,
a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar. ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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For high school and college graduates, here is a list of 11 things they did
not learn in school. In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good,
politically correct ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
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Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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How to settle the 2000 Presidential Election:
Ok, Folks. I've given the people in Florida plenty of time to get this
election finished. Now It is my turn:
#1: Al Gore ...
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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked,
"If you could have a ...
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How Old Do You Feel?
To get an idea of the lives of those entering college this fall, read on......... and try not to laugh...............
1. The people who are starting ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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A few years ago Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang made a
new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special
entitled, "Why Me, Charlie Brown?"
Recently MetLife put ...
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Two old jewish men were walking and noticed a sign outside the church. "Convert today for Fifty dollars". The first one said what do I have to lose ? So he goes in. His friend ...
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1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read ...
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10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has ...
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the ...
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"If he thinks I'm calling myself Mrs. Phooey he's got another think coming.
He's done daft things before but this takes the dog biscuit."
- Danielle Brett, upon learning that ...
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Little Johnny and Susie are only ten years old, but they're sure they're in
love and decided they wanted to get married.
Little Johnny bravely approached Susie's father and ...
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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when
game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are
now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...
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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the
summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the ...
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