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Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Courtroom humor

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These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Eve

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Logic

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IS THAT LOGICAL? Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, ...

Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

God as a Computer Programmer

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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.  Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...

Vatican Bathroom

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Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.  Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Thought of the Day

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Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything,  But they ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

First day of school

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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on the blackboard: "T T T 1 A" She looks ...

Poor Maria

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Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following ...

New Taglines

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Here are some new taglines collected from various dark corners of the Internet... Mary Shafer of NASA Ames has said, "Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

More blonde jokes

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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's ...

John John Found Found

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The body of JFK Jr. has been found, so let the jokes begin... What's the best thing about a Kennedy wedding? The way arriving guests like to make a big splash. They're ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Penguin

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A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down. Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...

Coma

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There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby ...

Real Personal Ads

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contributed by: Duke Duquette How can you possibly not love the Irish? Real "Personal ads" in the Dublin News - Heavy drinker, 35, Cor

 

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