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Blonde Joke 3

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A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a ...

Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

God as a Computer Programmer

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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.  Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...

Ever wonder what would happen if...

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Have you ever wondered what would happen if everyone jumped up and down all at the same time? Well, thanks to modern science, we now have an answer... Friday September 7 9:55 ...

Spoiled food

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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED ====================================== Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks on rare occasions for himself, ...

Cowboy Logic

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...

3 AM

Viewed 5 times
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...

Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Charlie Brown

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A few years ago Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special entitled, "Why Me, Charlie Brown?" Recently MetLife put ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

First day of school

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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on the blackboard: "T T T 1 A" She looks ...

Before it starts...

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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but ...

Presidential Quotes

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What US president once said "It is a good thing I am not a woman, as I would always be pregnant, for I cannot say no"

Hollywood Squares 2

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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

No arms and no legs

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A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," ...

The Camel

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The new French Foreign Legion captain was assigned to a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks ...

Men Jokes

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It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time... What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath ...

Buttons

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INSULTS ======== * Do they ever shut up on your planet? * Earth is full. Go home. * And which dwarf are you? * If I throw a stick, will you leave? * Whatever kind ...

Three consultants

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Three consultants were in the washroom performing their morning business. The first consultant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his ...

Abe and John - Weird

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Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was ...

Jewish Humor

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Two old jewish men were walking and noticed a sign outside the church. "Convert today for Fifty dollars". The first one said what do I have to lose ? So he goes in. His friend ...

This guy is flying in a hot air balloon...

Viewed 4 times
So, this guy is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

TO ALL THE KIDS BORN in the 50's

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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.  They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...

 

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