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Texas Preacher

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The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a ...

Life 3

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A LITTLE REFLECTION ON LIFE AS A MALE When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts. When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Boys

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You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...   1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.   2.) If you spray ...

Interesting statistic from a DC Analyst in Training

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If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22  months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that  gives a ...

Push

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A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

Dave Berry's Rules to Live By

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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in ...

10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say

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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say: 10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex" 9) Duct tape won't fix that 8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's ...

Rejected Dr. Suess Books

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The following list were all books that have been recently rejected by the Dr. Suess series: The Cat in the Blender Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert Fox in Detox ...

Things you should know about cats

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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. As every cat owner knows, you don't really own a cat, the cats owns you. ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Fruit of the Loom

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The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the hell?" I said to myself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when I shook them out. "Jeanette," I ...

Windows Start

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A revised version of the default Windows startup sound…

Caught!

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They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the ...

Origin of a Holiday Tradition

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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime ...

Why Dogs Are Better Than Men...

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WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you're gone. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough ...

A Redneck Christmas

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Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

One-Question IQ Test

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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of ...

Pants

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A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his ...

20 thinnest books

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The top 20 thinnest books 20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr. 19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit 18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...

Stages Of Life...

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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17

Sample

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A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The ...

 

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