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Joke type thing

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All stessed out? Sometimes it helps to think of happy scenes. Maybe a pastoral field, a field with a babbling brook. You're there on a lovely summer's day......holding ...

Airplanes vs. Women

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Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women: 1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time. 2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a ...

Old Age

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A little old man shuffled slowly... into an ice cream parlor. He pulled himself slowly... painfully... up onto a stool... After catching his breath... he ordered a ...

Politically Correct Holiday Wishes (with warrantee)

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Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, ...

The Book of Leviticus

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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

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By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Little Johnny (about his dad)

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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girl says: ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

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Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

Hollywood Squares 2

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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

Blonde Joke 9

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There was a blond bowling team and a brunette bowling team and they rented a double decker bus to take them to the bowling alley. The blond team sat in the upper level, and the ...

God as a Computer Programmer

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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.  Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...

TO ALL THE KIDS BORN in the 50's

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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.  They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Bedtime Story

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Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table, and looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?", he squeaks. Papa Bear ...

Farmer's donkey fell down a well (updated ending)

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...

How to Call the Police

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George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. ...

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Circle Flies

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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try ...

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND aka Hell

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Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...

Little Johnny (misc)

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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?" ...

Things you can't say with a Hallmark

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THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking" "Congratulations on your ...

New State Mottos

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New State Mottos Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona But It's a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing ...

When God created man...

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FINALLY... THE TRUE STORY... One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me ...

Quick stories

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TRUE FUNNY STORIES - I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she ...

 

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