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Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking ...
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world, ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went ...
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A revised version of the default Windows startup sound…
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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
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Have you ever wondered where the phrase "You gotta be sh*ttin' me" came from? Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of the USA.
Way back, George ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the ...
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Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, ...
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next ...
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When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on
this trip. Not even the ...
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If Men Ruled the World...
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name ...
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S C I E N T I S T S D I S C O V E R N E W E L E M E N T
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university
physicists. The element, ...
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How would our lifes be different if Microsoft built cars?
1. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
2. You would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.
3. You ...
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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Here are some "CARDS" that Hallmark doesn't produce and should... My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! - - - - - ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go ...
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A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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