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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:
10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and she had noticed how women customarily
walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!
...
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GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on
this trip. Not even the ...
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.
What's the ...
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21 Very Short Books
1) A Guide to Arab Democracies
2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3) Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4) Career ...
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SEMINARS FOR FEMALES (prepared and presented by males)
1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You ...
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The Lineage Revealed: Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe ...
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Here are some "CARDS" that Hallmark doesn't produce and should... My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! - - - - - ...
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died.
"I froze to death," said the first woman.
"You froze to death, how horrible!" ...
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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of
paint on their habits. After ...
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THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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Mrs. Ashley telephoned the headquarters of the infantry near Great Oaks, her
ancestral home. "This is Mrs. Chauncey
Ashley the Third, and with Thanksgiving coming up, I thought ...
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This is a real, honest-to-god, piece of SPAM (junk mail) that
I received recently, back before Enron and Worldcom and
other as yet undisclosed corporate crimes.
It's a ...
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Steve Allen, Renaissance Man:
...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci
as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...
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