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Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Giving up wine

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

You know you're a Floridian if...

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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Apple Computer Announcement

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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...

Joke of the Day

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An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first ...

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Quote of the Week (with picture)

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"Remember your army loves you" - Sergeant Diaz of the Colombian Army (no first name given), during the debut of the new Colombian Army's new mascot, a large inflatable ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

Vatican Bathroom

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Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.  Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

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By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Redneck Luxuries

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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Pool Redneck Yacht... Yacht

Windows Start

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A revised version of the default Windows startup sound…

TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA

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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA: 10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper 9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron 8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...

News of the Weird

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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/ (We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all!  2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

'Hi, Jack' on plane triggers SWAT team

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'Hi, Jack' on plane triggers SWAT team  by Shawn D. Lewis / The Detroit News ( http://detnews.com/ )  Waterford - Pilots named Jack, beware.  Minutes after a boarding ...

 

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