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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix ...
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New Australian version of Windows...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old
students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so ...
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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:
10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...
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10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last ...
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WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF
1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O.J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY YOU ASK?
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O.J. IS A SLICER
3. TED ...
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Mike Tyson is in bed with a girl, and he says, "My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged
family, had a rough childhood, I was thrown in jail for rape, my wife left ...
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A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a ...
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Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
...
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Microsoft complies with "truth in advertising" requirements...
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Too much time, and tequila, and too many limes...
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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...
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Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger ...
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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding
bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull
mated 50 times ...
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I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one
while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an
exception...
(Be ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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