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Added 1/1/1990
ACTUAL NEWS HEADLINES
GATORS TO FACE SEMINOLES WITH PETERS OUT
The Tallahassee Bugle
MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS
The Anchorage Alaska Times
...
Added 1/1/1990
Elmer, an 80 year-old stumbled into the doctor's office all
excited and in a tither.
"doc .. I've lost my hearing!" Elmer yelled.
"let's examine the problem," the doc said. ...
Added 1/1/1990
Heaven is when you have…
an American salary
a British home
Chinese food
a Swiss economy
an Italian body
Japanese technology
an African tool
an Indian wife ...
Added 1/1/1990
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow ...
Added 1/1/1990
Dear Santa,
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond
earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little
thing, and I want ...
Added 1/1/1990
There were two old boys from Alabama who loved to fish. They wanted to do some ice fishing that they'd heard about in Canada, so they took off to try it. The lake was frozen ...
Added 1/1/1990
How would our lifes be different if Microsoft built cars?
1. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
2. You would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.
3. You ...
Added 1/1/1990
Did you ever wonder what driving to the store would be like if
operating systems ran your car? (not unless your a systems geek)
-
MS-DOS: You get in the car and ...
Added 1/1/1990
A little girl was playing in her backyard when she spotted two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
...
Added 1/1/1990
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, ...
Added 1/1/1990
A young hotshot gets a job with the IRS. His first
assignment is to audit an old rabbi. He thinks he'll
have a little fun with the old rabbi, so he says,
"Rabbi, what do you ...
Added 1/1/1990
IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...
Added 1/1/1990
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your ...
Added 1/1/1990
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...
Added 1/1/1990
A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics
are in the hanger at JFK airport in New York; it's
fogged over and they have nothing to do.
One of them says to the ...
Added 1/1/1990
Two old jewish men were walking and noticed a sign outside the church. "Convert today for Fifty dollars". The first one said what do I have to lose ? So he goes in. His friend ...
Added 1/1/1990
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the ...
Added 1/1/1990
John Cleese was recently asked on American TV what he thought the
differences between the English and the Americans were.
In reply he said that there were three differences: ...
Added 1/1/1990
Ever notice how a four-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe ...
Added 1/1/1990
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds: "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and
deeper than anyone could have ...
Added 1/1/1990
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was
showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt...except it
had a rather large hole in the most ...
Added 1/1/1990
Our pastor tells a story (that he swears is true) about a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard, but couldn't be coaxed down. The tree was too thin to climb, so the pastor ...
Added 1/1/1990
An elderly woman walked into a doctor's office and told the doctor that
she and her husband had not been intimate in years. She said that her
husband seemed to have a lack of ...
Added 1/1/1990
One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is
illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to
buy some land in ...
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