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Things You Won't See On Hallmark Cards

OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...

INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.

INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.

INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

INSIDE: What the f_ck was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-respected.

INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:

INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.

INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.

INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...

INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...

INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

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