The Manbottle Library  :  Humor  :  Definitions


ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.

BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.

BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child.

CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.

DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.

ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them.

PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience.

PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle".

PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer. (scary !)

UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it.

LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants, and two idiots.

DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.

HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.

INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than two hours about something other than sex.

PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.

TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.

MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.

NANOSECOND: Fraction of time that occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.

NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.

TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.

ETERNITY: Period of time that lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house.

EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.

HARDWARE: The part of the computer that you kick when the software malfunctions.

IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.

INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

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