ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an
engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.
BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and
takes it back when it starts to rain.
BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an
asshole dressed like a child.
CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and
then charges you for it.
DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you
eager to start the journey.
ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted
yesterday didn't happen today.
FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne
sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them.
PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience.
PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way
you don't understand.
PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who
call him "uncle".
PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman
enters the room.
STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality
to be an engineer. (scary !)
UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with
disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it.
LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants, and two idiots.
DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.
HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.
INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than two hours about
something other than sex.
PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his
TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of
MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.
NANOSECOND: Fraction of time that occurs between the lights turning green
and the car behind honking its horn.
NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he
TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.
ETERNITY: Period of time that lasts from when you finished until when you
leave her in her house.
EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.
HARDWARE: The part of the computer that you kick when the software
IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.
INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no
interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".