Computer related quotes
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
-- Anderson, Jeremy S.
If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing
at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet
in about...five minutes.
To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer.
-- Anonymous (Farmer's Almanac for 1978)
Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out the window!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Asimov, Isaac
There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user off,
deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their REAL
earnings to the IRS.
-- Bastard Operator from Hell [Anke Bodzin]
But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more
than these cometh of evil.
-- Bible (Matthew 5:37)
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that
will do them in.
-- Bradley's Bromide
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good;
and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Brandon, Dick
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Brandwein, Leonard
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Cook. Rich
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles
per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-- Cringely, Robert X.
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
-- Deteriorata (from the National Lampoon Radio Dinner album)
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8 m/sec/sec.
-- Dolengo, Marcus
If it's there and you can see it - it's real.
If it's not there and you can see it - it's virtual.
If it's there and you can't see it - it's transparent.
If it's not there and you can't see it - you erased it!
-- Hammer, Scott (old IBM VM statement)
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million
typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.
-- Houghton, Blair
The first step is to decide what Internet services users need to
access and limit their access to those services.
-- Jesson, Joseph [a senior analyst at Chevron Corp]
(as quoted in ComputerWorld 6/28/93)
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Kulawiec, Rich
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal -- if you don't use
-- Lehrer, Tom
If you sat a monkey down in front of a keyboard, the first thing typed
would be a UNIX command.
-- Lye, Bill
"Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?"
"It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?"
-- MacNelley (in "Shoe")
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
-- Minor, Janet ("Spellbound")
We may begin to see reality differently simply because the
computer ... provides a different angle on reality.
-- Pagels, Heinz
Hardware : The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
-- Pesis, Jeff
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Picasso, Pablo (1881-1973)
Be warned that being an expert is more than understanding how a system
is supposed to work. Expertise is gained by investigating why a system
-- Redman, Brian
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
-- Reid, Brian K.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
-- Rooney, Andy
Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for
the rest of your life.
-- Sinz, Michael [Commodore-Amiga Inc.]
Real Programmers never work from 9 to 5. If any real programmer is
around at 9 a.m., it's because they were up all night.
-- Some Computer Geek
Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea--
massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a
source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
-- Spafford, Gene
We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5.
-- Spencer, Henry
I have no sustained relationship with any person whom I've met
only by and through e-mail.... I uncharitably speculate that it's
because I already have a life.
-- Sterling, Bruce
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick
to anger. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy
and taste good with ketchup. Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for
they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!
I just found out that the brain is like a computer. If that's true,
then there really aren't any stupid people. Just people running DOS.
PROGRAM - n. A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's
input into error messages. v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to
banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't comment their code. If it was hard to
write, it should be hard to understand.
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had
to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs.
-- Wilkes, Maurice