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Comedians' Take on Election Events

Comedians' Take on Election Events By The Associated Press

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno'':

"They had trucks in Florida bringing the ballots to Tallahassee. In fact, it's the same trucks they used to bring the makeup to Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris.''

"Al Gore said he believes his chances of winning the presidency right now are 50/50. 50/50? I think he's been drinking Mad Dog 20/20!''

"George W. Bush - this guy is no day at the beach, either. He's not the most convincing speaker. Doesn't he always look like he's waiting for the guy at the DMV to take his picture?''

"How about Dick Cheney? Every time you turn around, he's on TV. He's doing press conferences. He's setting up the transition team back in Washington. Cheney was on 'Larry King' the other night. What's Bush doing? Bush is relaxing on the ranch? Which guy had the heart attack?! I think Bush is trying to kill Cheney at this point. 'Hey, Dick, when you get a minute, will you move my barbells into the garage?'''

"The Late Show with David Letterman'':

"George W. Bush has a new team of lawyers. They're pretty good. They're the team, I believe, that handled his last drunken driving arrest.''

"And now, the good news is the White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.''

"Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn'':

"In an interview this morning, Al Gore said he has a 50/50 chance of winning the presidency. Not to be outdone, George W. Bush immediately called a press conference to announce that his odds were better than 70/70.''

"Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher'':

Politically Incorrect Poll:

George W. Bush Cabinet position I'd like to see:

- Secretary of Grammar - Department of Executions - Designated Driver

Dick Cheney should give up:

- The vice presidency - The pastrami

"Late Night with Conan O'Brien'':

"Senator Joe Lieberman called the voting recount in Florida 'incomplete.' In response, George W. Bush said, 'What's wrong with incomplete? That was my best grade in college.''

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