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Valentine's Day love poem

A Redneck Valentine

Kudzu is green,

my dog's name is Blue

And I'm so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

A-flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue's

And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

Which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales

But I luv you anyway.

You're as graceful as okry

Jist a-dancin' in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop

Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth,

For which I am proud;

I hold my head high

When we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,

When you shave yore armpits,

Well, I'm in hawg heaven,

I'm plumb outta my wits.

Still them fellers at work

They all want to know,

What I did to deserve

Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

Yo're there fer yore man,

To patch up life's troubles

And stick ‘em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler

Racin' through mud,

Yet fragile as that sanger

Named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug

A-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like no far ant

Upon which I oft' tread.

Cut from the best pattern

Like a flannel shirt of plaid,

You sparked up my life

Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight

Like a padded gunrack,

My life is complete;

Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,

Like the best vinyl sidin'.

Despite all the years,

Yore age, it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old

Like a ‘57 Chevy,

Won't put you on blocks

And let grass grow up heavy.

Me ‘n' you's like a Moon Pie

With a RC cold drank,

We go together

Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

For Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,

It's romantic that way.

Some men git roses

On that special day

From the cooler at Kroger.

"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

From a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever,"

They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

These will not do.

For you are too special,

You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,

Without taste nor odor,

Better than diamonds

It's a new trollin' motor.

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