Washing Your Cat
Washing Your Cat
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed.
That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this
popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that
resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a
variety of odors... from smelling like the outhouse where you camped
last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember... your
dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water.
And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a
bath is out of the question.
So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this
is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of
Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total
lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size,
strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is
suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.
2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a
shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5
3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area
before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not
4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still
need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the
shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the
5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up,
nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper
dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire...
the cat barely notices you anyway.
6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom .... speed is
essential. In one single liquid motion .shut the door to the
bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the
cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock,
locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the
water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has
soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet
7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body
as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give
another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.
8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub
vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the
glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water,
rinsing himself in the process.
9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat
will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use
the next attempt on the first available part of you.
10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest part.
By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become
semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you
drain the tub and in full view of your cat . reach for the bottle of
11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg
and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the
cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for
wrapping the towel around him.
12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub
enclosure. Open bathroom door .... put towel wrapped cat on floor and
step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure
until all you can see is the shredded towel.
13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your
cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog
while plotting revenge