The Manbottle Library  :  Humor  :  QUOTES TO GO WITH YOUR BEER...


The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

--Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.


No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

--G.K. Chesterton

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

--Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

--Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.


I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.  What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

--W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.


Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomaches.

--David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

--Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?


When we drink, we get drunk.

When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...

--Brian O'Rourke

Conserve water.  Drink Beer.


You don't like jail?  Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.

--Charles Bukowski

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

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