The Manbottle Library  :  Humor  :  One Liners 2

One Liners 2

If you're a kleptomanic, take something for it.

I hope I die quietly in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in

horror like his passengers.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Intel, where quality is job 0.9999999998.

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