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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy."
Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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THINGS TO PONDER
1. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they
already know you don't have?
2. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you ...
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One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man
of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding
they left for their ...
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An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and
chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next ...
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Be on the lookout for the following computer viruses:
* Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
* Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your BAT files ...
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THE CREATION BY COMPUTER
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said,
c:@ESCAPED-CLOSING-ANGLE-BRACKET@Let there be light]
Enter user id.
...
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How many programmers did it take to screw in a light bulb?
a) None, it's a hardware problem.
b) None, programmers can't fit in a light bulb.
c) 100. One to hold the light ...
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[The following question was originally posed by Steven Wright.]
Question: If you strapped a slice of buttered bread to the back of a cat, which way down would it land?
[Well, ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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20) Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too ...
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1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important
information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the
internet, but from a mentor, and on a ...
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When engineer David Bradley said "I may have invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous", to what was he referring?
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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the
teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on
the blackboard: "T T T 1 A"
She looks ...
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Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program
shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and
12-paragraph disclaimer notice ...
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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
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Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. "You are all
part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You
get all the usual benefits ...
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* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"
* Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
* Why is a ...
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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the
kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: ...
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During camouflage training, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a
sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You jackass!" the
officer barked. "Don't you ...
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