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How do you tell a Democrat from a Republican in New York?
A Democrat has a bumper sticker on the back of his or her car that says "Run, Hillary, Run"
Republicans put the same ...
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"SMOKING KILLS. AND IF YOU'RE KILLED, YOU'VE LOST A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE."
Brooke Shields
"THE PRESIDENT HAS KEPT ALL OF THE PROMISES HE INTENDED TO KEEP."
...
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A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
"This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of ...
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WHERE DO CONSULTANTS GO WHEN THEY DIE?
There once was a consultant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made ...
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THE GOOD, THE BAD and THE UGLY
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: ...
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A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession
box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention,
but still the man says ...
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and the moral of the story is.....
One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of story and then conclude with the moral of that story. ...
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One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar
for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble ...
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Some WIN95 humor....
Bill Gates dies in a car accident.
He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not ...
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So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears
like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes
straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, ...
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MARINE CORPS
* Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two.
* Bring all of your friends who have weapons.
* Bring their friends who have weapons.
* Anything worth ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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True bravery is a guy arriving home late after a boy's night out, being assaulted by his wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "You still cleaning, or are you gonna be ...
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I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important
information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the
internet, but from a mentor, and on a ...
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...
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I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR ...
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An American tourist in London found himself needing to
take a leak something terrible. After a long search he
just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself.
So he ...
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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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Every Saturday morning Fred goes fishing. He gets up early and eager, makes
his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes... all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up ...
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You know when you are "all growed up" when... 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You ...
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1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what ...
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Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your ...
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"A cageful of drunken monkeys is like a cocktail party."
- Frank Ervin, a professor of psychiatry at McGill University, who is
currently studying what happens when you liquor ...
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Attention Bounty Hunters: Runaway Cow Now Has a Price on Her Head
The situation must be getting desperate. According to the Cincinnati Post,
fast-food restaurant Chick-Fil-A ...
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