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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would
feel objects from pumice stones ...
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The other day, a woman came out of the kitchen and when her husband approached, she slapped him up side the head, WHACK! He was a little dazed and asked, "What was that for?"
...
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Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to ...
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: ...
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Two blondes decide to rob a bank. the first blonde goes over their plan over and over to the other blonde.
They pull up in front of the bank in there getaway car and the first ...
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Drunk Finds Cigarettes And Gasoline Don't Mix
Wednesday February 28 10:45 AM ET
BRISBANE (Reuters) - A drunk man who lit a cigarette while filling
a jerry can with ...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...
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By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
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Merry Christmas...
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A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior
culture.
The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian said, "We have the
Coliseum."
...
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A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give ...
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...
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Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
...
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are:
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...
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A blonde is going on her first trip overseas. She drives all the way to
Miami to apply for a passport. In the passport office, the government
official sees that she is visibly ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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"A cageful of drunken monkeys is like a cocktail party."
- Frank Ervin, a professor of psychiatry at McGill University, who is
currently studying what happens when you liquor ...
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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I
look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. ...
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At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a gynecologist's office
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a military ...
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A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
repair shop. The shop owner saw ...
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Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
Your orgasms are always real
Your last name stays put
The garage is all yours
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow
...
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