Things to say when phoning in sick
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't
get off the john, but I feel good about it.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to
her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One
day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is
completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me
to clean all the guns today.
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that
deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how
about them skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no,
I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw
restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.