(note to M. - the timing is completely coincidental - ed.)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied. "Yes I am, I
married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted." The next day
she received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her
Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A., the rest cheat in Canada.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is FINISHED.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country son.
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married; and by then it was too late."
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the
boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she!
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
First woman: My husband's an angel!
Second woman: You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're attractive to the opposite