Drink driving - What not to do!

After driving to his local drinkery to watch his favourite team get beaten heavily, a man decides "Sod it! I'm gonna get plastered!!" After consuming numerous non-descript drinks it comes to closing time. Upon leaving the boozer it starts raining. Heavily!
Looking around the roads seem quiet. Proclaiming as only a drunk man can "I'm ok to drive" he hops into his car and wends his merry way home. Upon taking a very tricky left hander followed by a sharp right the drunken man clips a kurb. Unfortunately a police car is driving past him at this prescise moment and pulls him over. The man gets out of his car and - no longer supported by a seat - falls to the ground in a drunken mess. At this precise moment when he thinks he is done for another car comes flying round the corner, clips the same kurb and crashes into a nearby tree. Naturally the police officers rush to the aid of the driver. Seeing his chance, the drunk man jumps into his car and speeds off home.
Upon arriving at home he parks his car in his drive, drinks 5 cups of strong coffee and, thinking he has made it, heads to bed.
8.30 the next morning he is awoken by a knock on the door. Soberly the man heads to door and opens it to find two different police officers in front of him. He thinks he can lie his way out of it.
"Where were you last night sir?"
"I was at my ex wifes for the early part of the evening, then i went to a friends for an hour and drove home at about 10.30pm officer"
"Very good sir" says the police officer unimpressed "and how long have been driving a police car for?"

Answer:"Sir, it was the only one with good tags and a valid
        inspection sticker."

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